restless soul

 

Sometimes mister hubby asks if we would be willing to pack up and travel around in our ute for a year.  I don't take him seriously and I can't say I am entirely keen on the idea too.  But lately I have been thinking about packing up the house and just go.  More likely actually I have been wanting to live somewhere else.  I am itchy to move out of this city life to somewhere new, new scenery and experience.  With that, I want to build a new life, life that I've been dreaming for so long. I always want to do something besides being a mother.  But this something at the moment is a bit absurd, impossible, uncertain, to be achieved.  

Maybe I am a bit of hippy or what, or maybe I am bored ( but I am not allowed to be bored because my life is wonderful and easy! ) and just feeling a bit low.  I always feel like I want to move after couple years of living in the same place.  When I was a couple months old my parents moved from the town I was born to another town.  We stayed there for a year or so then we packed up and moved to another island.  Couple years on this island we moved to another town before we made our way to the big city where I spent most of my childhood and adulthood.  When I got married, my newly hubby took me to this city where we live now.  Though we then moved to another country for couple years then we came back here with a new additions to our family.

this mama life

This week feels forever.  Shorter day light longer night time.  It is official that summer is end and winter is creeping in.

 

I am back to the usual bump and grind.  Back to being solo parenting again.  Back to do every thing by myself.  Make all the decisions and responsible for almost every thing. And back to those anxious feelings at night time.  I am alone and there is no one to tag me out or give me a hug at the end of the day.  On the good days, when I was asked how I cope with this pattern of life I would say, invite some friends over for dinner or go for shopping, on the hard days, I just want to cry and scream!

camping with kids

This is part two of our school holiday-extravaganza!  Yes, after a trip to Bali, my darling husband decided to spend his two weeks off bonding with his lovely sons and gorgeous wife.  He opted for road trip to down south.  As much as I would love to stay under the five star hotel or resort I was presented with camping at the caravan park under the blue sky or dark actually at night time, with a star :)

 

After we had organized who was going to look after all our animals, got stock up on food etc, checked the engine and tires of our Ute, as early as 5.30 am we were all up and off we went! It took about 5 hours or more to Bremer Bay.  Stopped at Williams for fuel and yummy pies, then Kataning to let the snot-gobblers ran wild at the cool park!

the day mums get breakfast made & served

Well, I don't know about you but I had a good time yesterday. No, I didn't get breakfast made and served in bed ( first because they forgot, second I hate eating in my bed ) in fact I had to make them quick breakfast before we headed to a footy game.  

While making their breakfast and a quick sip of coffee for me, I asked them where's my Mother's Day kisses and cuddles? T1 gasped and ran out quickly and came back with a big parcel wrapped in blue polka dots paper.  While T2, as always a cuddle and kissy person gave me big hugs and a wet kiss :) I was presented with beautiful home made card that this year there were less spelling errors.  My T1 did himself painted and draw this cute fishy that I guess it resembles myself? I love it! It had been weeks that I wasn't allowed to enter/clean his room because he was making something special for Mother's Day.

i try

The last two weeks that had passed was pretty hectic but in a happy and fun way.  We spent a lot of our week-ends while Mr. Hubby was here doing some fun things at the beach, either it was body surfing, or just catching the waves and got dump at the beach with full sand under our bathers, crabbing, walking and beach hopping.  We did participated in Cleaning Up Australia, though not so many rubbish to collect ( is it a good sign?) around our river.  The kids were happy, the dog was happy too, everybody was in the good mood.

happy holidays!

Just a short post this time, as I am leaving for holiday tonight.  I am looking forward to spend Christmas with my mother and family and closest friends back in Jakarta.  But I am so not looking forward for boarding a flight at 2.30 AM with two kids in tow.  

Well, what can I say, budget airline? I am just hoping and really praying that the flight is on time and no delay, yes please Jetstar?

Perhaps, this will be my last post in 2012. So here to a happy holiday and Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate it! Be good, sing carols, be merry and don't forget to give Santa milk and cookies :)

HoHoHo!

this mama

 

This mama here is feeling a bit uncertain and kind of lost. This mama here is in dilemma.

But this mama tries hard to be strong and face whatever it is going to happen.  This mama will do her best to do what is best for all of us.  It's not gonna be easy but this mama will find the way to cope.

Sometimes, this mama wish that she were a boy so she could make the rules as she goes. But she's just a mama so she should understand.

thirteen years on

Today is our 13th wedding anniversary.

Thirteen years of marriage.  Eight a half years as parents.

There are days that I feel like I want to strangle you, but there are days that I miss you so much.

You taught me to be independent, you help me being confident in myself,  and you made me tough.  You also make me happy.

Happy anniversary my love, it's been far from ordinary.

keep calm and eat chocolate that's what i do!

Mr. Hubby is traveling a lot these days.  He's been commuting interstate and only home on the week-ends.  I miss him.  The Boys miss him.  The dog misses him.  We miss him.

It's not the empty side in the bed or the empty chair at the dining table, but the realization at the end of the day that he's not going to walk through the door with his usual, "Daddy's home" .

I always nervous every time Mr. Hubby has to go away.  I have this acute paranoia that I can't sleep the whole night until early morning.  I will hear every noises and my imagination will go wild.  I know it's pathetic but I can't help.  I just have to live with it.  Usually on the forth days I will crash and sleep through the night.  And the next day the cycle will begin again.

Being a single parent when he's away it's not easy for me.  Boys after school activities is one thing, I have to drop one boy here then get to drive to another place for the other one.  Then the homework that I sometimes feel like it's my homework rather than the kid's! Not to mention the argument I have to sort out about who is going to have shower first or  the dog has been fed yet, forms from school that need to be signed, sport carnival to attend, and all the different dramas that can happen in my household.

When he's away I sometimes think about all the single parent out there and how lonely those nights can be when you don't have someone to bounce ideas off of or to make decision or to share the worries that had been in the back of your mind.  I also admire their strength, being a solo parent is tough.  I've got it easy compare to these women.

He often asks me, "so you don't think you can cope when I'm away?" and my answer is always the same, "well, I suppose I can, I have to, I have no choice".   I am okay but I don't like being a solo parent.  I need Mr. Hubby, I couldn't imagine doing this all without him.

xoxo

eat often travel well

My husband and I are pretty much love traveling.  Interstate and international we love to explore and experience new places.  It's easier when it's only two of us, but it doesn't hold us back now that we have children.  My twins are good traveler since they were babies.  Maybe because they were exposed to it since they were 3 weeks old!

Traveling with toddler/baby is bit tricky than now that they are 8 years old.  At least no more nappy changing in every stop, mind you I have double of everything :) My T1 is very observant  in the surrounding when we travel by car. He can occupy himself by reading or drawing, while the other one sometimes can be a lit bit handful.  All he wants to do either playing games on his DS or Ipad, or watching movie.  Which is alright, but as parents we would love to encourage him to look out of the window not only buried his head on games for hours.  I prefer him reading than playing on his games, which of course have to begin with argument and sulk.

Couple months ago, we traveled by car interstates for 5 weeks full.  Took us three nights 4 day from Western Australia to South Australia.  For those three nights we camped.  The Boys entertained themselves pretty good, from reading, playing on their games and watching movies then counting how many cows on the farm that we passed,  how many trucks, and singing.  We stayed one night in Victoria at our relative's place on our way to Tasmania.  Left Port Melbourne around 6 in the evening the next day on the Spirit of Tasmania to be arrived in Davenport at 7am in the morning, rain, dark, and very cold!

I can say that we covered almost 80% of Tasmania, from East to West, North to South.  Our accommodation varied from rented house, B & B, caravan park, and out in the bush!  Not to mention camping on Bruny Island and got beaten by heavy pouring rain and thunderstorm and gusty wind.  I was amazed that our tents were still intact and we didn't get wet at all! My T2 didn't even noticed all the drama, as when we talked about it he was confused and said he didn't hear anything.  Almighty!

Bruny Island Cruise

We cook most of the time while we're traveling around Tasmania.  Except at the wedding reception and twice dinner out, for those 5 weeks I cooked more often than when we were at home! Food wise, we tried to cook simple thing such as pasta, rice, curry and BBQ. I am not big on camping but I have to admit that I enjoyed it.  

The caravan parks and/or camping grounds are pretty good, the showers and toilets are clean and we didn't even have to queue, the kitchen is also useable and has everything you need mostly.

My survival kits for traveling with children are:

• Food including healthy snacks and bad snacks (lollies, when you have no other choice and/or run out of patience and entertainment)

• Books

• Travel diary, my kids love to write what's on during our travel.

• Games, such as card games or any other board games that easy to pack/bring.

• Crayons, drawing books/coloring books.

• And my last survival kit is the DVD. ( especially if you just longing for some peace and quite or adult conversations! )

Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer

a journey on roads

It's March already, autumn should approach this part of the world. But guess what? It's freaking HOT! You won't believe that today the temperature is 40C....yeah, and it's autumn!

Anyhow I have an exciting road trip to look forward to. It will be my third road trip and the second for my twin boys. We are going to drive to Victoria from Western Australia then continue to Tasmania. Of course, we need to cross the sea to Tasmania by ferry. For that matter we have booked our seats on Spirit of Tasmania. Another thing to look forward and get excited as I've never been on the big ship before :) We will spend most of the time traveling and exploring Tasmania.

We always long to do this road trip. Originally we planned to do a round trip all over Australia and it would probably take about three to six  months. But for school and work reasons we decided to postpone that idea and do this mini five weeks road trip first. Then see how it goes!

My hubby gets most of car and camping stuff sorted and organized. Food, kids' entertainment and clothes wise is my part. It's a bit chaos and stressed at the moment as we are leaving next Saturday, only 6 days to go!  Meanwhile lots of things to do, what to bring / to pack,  what to prepare, and on top of that we still have to pack up the house and sort out the water system in the garden area and of course not to mention the animals. In this case, the fish and the big hairy sulky four legs Sammy. Lucky, our neighbors offered to look after the garden, fish and the dog :)

Speaking about clothes, I am a bit in dilemma on what to wear and to pack! Around Western Australia and Victoria the weather probably will be hot to mild while in Tasmania will be cold. So, to me looks like I have to pack both summer and winter clothes. Plus we also have a wedding to attend in Tasmania. Now, what about the footwear? Should I bring flip-flop, flats, boots, walking shoes, oh and a high heel for the wedding?? Ohhh....headache :))

These are ready to go, folding tables, couple containers for food, swags, our tent, but not the lawn-mower though :|

Here are couple great reasons why we want to drive:

1. No hire -car fees. Don't need to pay for airport parking, bus, rail, or taxi fares.
2. Freedom to explore.
3. Make our own time-table.
4. Family essential on hand. For family with children taking your own car is so much convenient.
5. Taking our own kit. There's nothing like having your own fishing rod on hand!
6. Take our own accommodation. Bring the caravan or tent and stay at holiday parks, saving on accommodation cost.
7. Bring back souvenirs, without have to worry about the extra luggage :)
8. Drive on, drive off.

Above all of those reasons, I think it would be a great experience for the children and sure we would have lots of fun traveling around the states.  We also are  prepared ourselves for the tantrums and fights between the kids,  and bickering between my hubby and myself :)

Last but not least, I am obsessed with color jeans at the moment. They are so cute and I love all the vibrant and gorgeous shades. Perfect company for my road trip , they can cheer me up for when we get bogged in the sand dune or lost in the middle of the desert!

still going on

My man.  My Lover.  The father of my children.  Soul mate.

Twelve years ago this month we started dating.  Yes, there have been huge bumps in this

road, but the view from here keeps getting better!

Happy Anniversary to us!

another year older

Happy birthday to the father of my children!

It's DH birthday today.... we didn't have big celebration though.
First, it's Monday, for some reason and maybe weird for some of you we don't feel like going out on Monday night when tomorrow is Tuesday and we both have to work plus have to deal with the children's homework and reading and bla...bla...bla...!

Second, I worked today too, (and yesterday) so I didn't have much energy left after standing the whole five hours..... another excuse, I know :p

But I made him birthday cake and the Boys gave him their hand-made card.  The birthday boy had spaghetti and salad for dinner.... that's all our way to celebrate his birthday this year :D

Happy birthday, darling!

 

it's back to school

 

School started yesterday...yaay!  Even though I have to say good-bye to my sleep-ins and the-whole-day-in pjs attitude but I'm quiet happy for my Boys to go back to school again.  I love them to bit but I do think they need better education than what Mummy & Daddy can teach them at home :)

So, the first day went very well I must say.  Considering they are in year 1 now and for the first time the Boys go to different class  this year.  Yes, I asked to separate them, they used to be in the same class at Kindy and Pre-primary.  I hope I do the right thing though.  And the teachers also agree with me.  It's just so they are not always clingy to each other, and to develop their own characters and have their own friends too.  Last year, one of the boy started to speak for the other one, even though it's not his turn to speak or to be asked.  While the quiet one was happy enough for his brother to always answer for him:p

They said they enjoyed the first day at year one.  It's less work and lots of playing time, as Dylan told me.  Not yet, pumpkin :)  Wait for the second week and I bet he will start to say: "I don't like school".... as he often did last year at Pre-primary.  Nathan settles pretty good in his class according to his teacher, a bit quiet in the beginning but then mingled with his friends very easy.  As for myself, I guess I will have double stuff to do as for parents volunteer roster. Double to do the Laundry roster every friday and helping in Cooking & Art class every monday!

While I'm pretty happy that school starts again, I also prepare myself with the same routine and chaos that happen in our household almost every morning;

• making school lunches: I have two boxes to prepare every day from monday to friday.   I suppose it will be the same with other parents who have more than one kids.  I tried as best as I can to do the variety for their lunches.  And while rummaging in the fridge to look for suitable spreads I have to remember not to put something with nuts or nutella, that means no peanut butter and nutella sandwich!  Sometimes it sucks being healthy, hey? And I also told myself that it's OK to order lunch from the canteen, the kids love it, and I don't always have to be a perfect good healthy home-made mother all the time!

• getting to school:  The boys love school, they love spending the day with their friends for sure, but to get them to school?  It's another story.  There is always something on telly that they have to watch before they have to brush their teeth, some picture they have to color before they can eat their brekkie, some game they have to finish before they get in the car and some story they have to tell before get out of the car... So, really, getting up by 7 in the morning sometimes it feels still not enough time, do I have to start at 5am??

• washing uniform: Now that they are wearing uniform also make my visit to the laundry more frequently.  Yes, the good thing that I don't have to worry what they have to wear, which clothes shouldn't wear for school as it will ruined and stained, etc.  The bad thing....is I am going to lock myself in the laundry room more than I have to be.  Having twins is always double the cost, so to save money a bit I bought both of them two pairs each of uniforms that I think it should be enough.  Just one day at school yesterday, Nathan came home with dirt and stained on his top uniform....arrgghhh....can you do your own laundry, my dear son?

• supervising homework:  Last year in pre-primary they hadn't have lots of homework.  Still some alphabet or numbers to write down at home or preparing for their news lesson, that's all that I can remember as far as homework goes.  Now that they are in year 1, I got a note from the teacher that starting week 2 they will be starting to send some homeworks.  I would like to think that I am a patient , tolerant and understanding mother when it comes to supervise homework.  But I think I would leave it to my husband as he has more patient to deal with the Boys that I am.

So I guess those are my highlights of going back to school this year.  How about you? Is there any advice/suggestion to minimise all of those...feel free to write to me :) Meanwhile, I'm going to have my coffee and chocolate donut in my peace, tidy, and quiet home! I know it's not healthy to have donut, that's why I'm having it when the Boys are at school....see how good to have them back to school again :)

kiss good bye 2009

As we approach the final days and hours of 2009, I'm struck by the experienced over the last 12 months.

Let's see in the last 12 months I have:

There was a health scare and even though it wasn't as bad as I thought, still it needs to be monitored once every four or six months. And every time I need to undergo, it's an enormous stress for me.

We finally finished building our house and successfully managed to move in and settled.  Though still lot of projects that are need to be done but hopefully, gradually, it will come to and end.

Another un-employment stressful period for my husband that drove the whole family into a roller-coaster ride.

After such a big drama; we forgot our children passport had expired just in front of the checked-in counter at the airport; we managed to have two-weeks holiday in Bali.  It was good but also stressful time to go.

I finally found myself a part-time job and so far have been juggling it pretty good amongst the chaos of school holiday and the festive seasons.

It has been a hell of year and we are among the lucky ones who still have to pay our house and the food on our table. It's impossible not to reflect on the year gone by as we begin a new one.  2009 was one of mixed blessings for me.  Even though we had couple bad and miserable times, I've felt overwhelmed and inadequate, and have lost my shit many many times, I still thank God for my kids that have grown and changed so much this year. That I've been blessed with healthy and happy children and despite all the stressful times we had, until today my husband and I are still living in the same roof.

But the most important thing for me is to be healthy.  My thought and prayer for those whose in sickness, or have been through tough times during the illness of loved ones.

So, how was your NYE?  Were you out partying or were you home asleep before 12? This year I spent my NYE with couple of friends dining and partying out way after midnight.  While my husband and the kids went camping for couple days down south.  I couldn't go with them as I had to work during those days.

I'm looking forward to 2010.  I wish I could take each and everyone of you out for a beer or  a fanta if that's your preference.  I hope you're using this time, to recharge and refresh yourself in preparation to kick some serious arse come whenever it is in January that your life returns to normal.

ten years on and bugger me dead we're still together!

Today is ten years ago when we stand in the presence of God, family and friends to say our vows for better and worse, richer and poorer , in sickness and in health , together til death do us apart.

Today is ten years ago when we were still very much in love and gaze through each other eyes with much laughter and love.

Today is ten years ago when we were childless and enjoyed each other company without any nagging voices in the background.

Today is ten years ago where east met west and proved that we're compatible.

And today....ten years on, we have two gorgeous boys that we both love to death, a lunatic silly dog that caused us lots of trouble, a cosy comfortable house, and a mortgage. 

And I hope I would still have tons of patience and millions of love towards you, in another ten years time ahead or else we both would end up at Grayland ward.

Happy 10th anniversary Sweetheart, ten years already and getting better every day!

an up date

I haven't written in this blog for quiet a long time. Not that I was very occupied with life in general, it was just my brain was fried for a while. Some nights I sat in front of my laptop and thought would share some of my thoughts in this space. But suddenly, my brain went blank and my fingers froze.

Tonight, after spent most of the day being occupied with Easter mass in the morning, followed by picnicking at the river for the whole afternoon, and then dropped by at friend's house and ended up stayed until dinner time, I was pretty knackered but can't sleep. It's school holiday for another two weeks so I don't need to arise as early as 7.30am and no need to make lunch boxes....yaayyy! The kids is fast asleep since 8.30pm, they are buggered I reckon from playing and swimming the whole afternoon. My husband has gone offshore since a week ago....yup, I hate Easter without my complete family, feel so lonely, so widowed, so orphanaged!

Our life in general is doing fine. I was busy enough dealing with house building, I had gone as far as north of Perth to choose for shower screen, sliding doors, lights, and not to mention flooring and pool. I also chose and made the final decision for all the colors of the walls and feature walls, ceiling, doors, etc. All in all, my DH and I are satisfied and pretty content with the result. I'll be proud enough to say that I'm the interior designer for our house.

The time to move into the new house is getting closer. At the moment we are just waiting for the flooring to be installed then here we go....packing and unpacking again, hopefully this is will be the last time or at least not until another five years! I pray hard and hope that my -always-offshore-husband- will be around when the time is come. Honestly, I'm not that superwoman who can manage every thing by myself. Though, if worse come to worse happened and if the situation forced me to do so I have no other choice.

At least I have flown my Mum to help me with the moving and the kids. Not to mention in the middle of this chaos I will be also hosting a birthday party for my Boys. I have promised and bribed them that I would buy them lotsa pressies as long as we just celebrate it at home with mummy's home-made birthday cake. But, since they will turn five they want to invite almost the whole class of the pre-primary and half of the other class! So, I think we will have around twenty two or so kids on the 24th of April. I hope some of them can't make it:p Not that I'm a meanie mum....but omegosh, how am I gonna cope with moving and packing and preparing birthday celebration??? But called me a weak mum, I just can't say NO to those beautiful faces of my Boys, somehow my Boys, sure mummy will work on her fairy magic and voila... you're going to have a party!

Nathan and Dylan are doing pretty good in Pre-Primary. They even came out from their shells. They are not shy anymore as they used to be when they were in Kindy. One day when I was picking them up at school, one mother came to me and said: " The boys can talk now!" At first I didn't know how should I react. Of course my Boys can talk! But then I take it as a compliment. I know she means good. The teacher said Nathan and Dylan are popular amongst the children, they always make other kids laugh with their silly dance or just doing silly things....hmmm...:p Other mum also told me that her daughter can't stop talking about Dylan being so funny.

In their second week in Pre-Primary, Nathan got his first merrit award for the beautiful family drawing he drew, followed by Dylan for the crazy characters he transform into when in the dress up area! Can you imagine...what is he going to be? The Boys enjoy the school, especially Nathan. He just loves drawing and now non-stop writing numbers and practising his alphabets sounds. I will be still asleep when he often comes to my bed and asks me to count the number he has written! While Dylan sometime whines a bit about going to school every day. But then once he's in he forgets about me in a second, I have to drag him to kiss me good bye :-) Dylan's writing and drawing has improved so much since he's in Pre-Primary.

Both of them got pretty good report from the school. The only point that they need to develop is their good use of manner. Omegod!!! I feel so embarrased when I read this. I meant, how many times I keep telling them to say thank you, please, may I, can I have it please, etc, etc, about being a good manner. At home they pretty good in it. That's why it comes to a horror for me, well a bit. I think because they are still a bit shy especially to those who they are not really close/know well they tend to shut down. It often happens when we are out in restaurant and they wanted the lollies, I would have told them to ask for it themselves. And it often ends with tears because they want me to do it and I don't want to do it. Sometime I have to threath them, I know how bad mother I am, but how difficult it is just to ask please can I have lollies and thank you...? It's frustrated me but I keep working on it. They probably got it from my genes. I remember I was so shy and not confident when I was around 10 - 12 years old. I had changed a lot in my personality and confidence since I worked and lived overseas. That's why I do not want them to be like me. Especially they are boys. I want them to be independent, confident, and polite.

Besides that I think they are growing to be an outgoing children pretty much. They love to swim, in the pool or at the beach, they love climbing the trees so much! I feel that I can enjoy them now better than when they were babies. Sometimes I think I don't want them to grow up that quick I want them still like they are now.

In my friendship department I am starting to make friends with some of the mothers from school. We haven't gone to have coffee together yet, but at least the conversation is not limited only with Yes or No answers. And I am making effort to talk to them and I have not given up yet even though some of them still   
just give me the yes or no answers. I have no expectation to become good buddies or get invited to the car park mafia mums, but I'm trying my best to know some of them a bit better.

I used to ignore them or even avoid them when the Boys were in Kindy. It wasn't because I didn't like them, but at that time I have felt I had given all my efforts to become friends with them with no success at all. I found it very hard to have a proper conversation with them, either they just gave me the yes or no answers or sometimes they even didn't hear me. So I decided to avoid them, I would always come right on nine o'clock to drop off the Boys and five minutes late to pick them up so that I don't have to talk or even see them. I didn't really know what's wrong with myself, maybe it is written on my forehead WATCH OUT....SHE'S A BITCH, but those mothers were very very hard to talk to. First I felt sad and hurt, then I didn't care and stop talking to them completely. I only said hello, hi, smiled and gone.

Then my brain was starting to work again. If I want Nathan and Dylan to have friends at school and not to be shy I should start to make a different. That's when I decided that I will keep on trying to talk to the Mums. One day maybe I will find my own car park mafia...:p

I think now it's enough for my up date. I'm looking forward to move in to a new house and can't wait to decorate and maybe with a little bit luck I can pursue my darling husband for some new furniture. I am content with my life and enjoy being a mother for my children and wife to my vegemite head :D