restless soul

 

Sometimes mister hubby asks if we would be willing to pack up and travel around in our ute for a year.  I don't take him seriously and I can't say I am entirely keen on the idea too.  But lately I have been thinking about packing up the house and just go.  More likely actually I have been wanting to live somewhere else.  I am itchy to move out of this city life to somewhere new, new scenery and experience.  With that, I want to build a new life, life that I've been dreaming for so long. I always want to do something besides being a mother.  But this something at the moment is a bit absurd, impossible, uncertain, to be achieved.  

Maybe I am a bit of hippy or what, or maybe I am bored ( but I am not allowed to be bored because my life is wonderful and easy! ) and just feeling a bit low.  I always feel like I want to move after couple years of living in the same place.  When I was a couple months old my parents moved from the town I was born to another town.  We stayed there for a year or so then we packed up and moved to another island.  Couple years on this island we moved to another town before we made our way to the big city where I spent most of my childhood and adulthood.  When I got married, my newly hubby took me to this city where we live now.  Though we then moved to another country for couple years then we came back here with a new additions to our family.

being a solo traveler

I am writing this at Changi International airport, waiting for my connecting flight to HongKong. I travel a lot lately. For pleasure and family purpose. From one airport to another. I get used to the hustle  and bustle of airport atmosphere. 

I love traveling. I love going on holiday with my family or just by myself. You might think I am weird, but I am a loner so it's no problem for me eating by myself or noone to talk to. 

Taking a trip by myself can actually be empowering. I can set my own schedule, do the things I would like to do, and embark on my own personal adventures. Plus, I don't have to worry about anyone other than myself. 

I don't mind  traveling with friend/s too. Though I will feel sorry for them, because I can't tolerate lazy and un-cooperative travel companion, and high maintenance ones. I travel on budget so I won't stay at five star hotels and eating at expensive diner. I would love too, of course, if someone generous enough to pay for  me .

this mama life

This week feels forever.  Shorter day light longer night time.  It is official that summer is end and winter is creeping in.

 

I am back to the usual bump and grind.  Back to being solo parenting again.  Back to do every thing by myself.  Make all the decisions and responsible for almost every thing. And back to those anxious feelings at night time.  I am alone and there is no one to tag me out or give me a hug at the end of the day.  On the good days, when I was asked how I cope with this pattern of life I would say, invite some friends over for dinner or go for shopping, on the hard days, I just want to cry and scream!

the day mums get breakfast made & served

Well, I don't know about you but I had a good time yesterday. No, I didn't get breakfast made and served in bed ( first because they forgot, second I hate eating in my bed ) in fact I had to make them quick breakfast before we headed to a footy game.  

While making their breakfast and a quick sip of coffee for me, I asked them where's my Mother's Day kisses and cuddles? T1 gasped and ran out quickly and came back with a big parcel wrapped in blue polka dots paper.  While T2, as always a cuddle and kissy person gave me big hugs and a wet kiss :) I was presented with beautiful home made card that this year there were less spelling errors.  My T1 did himself painted and draw this cute fishy that I guess it resembles myself? I love it! It had been weeks that I wasn't allowed to enter/clean his room because he was making something special for Mother's Day.

this mama

 

This mama here is feeling a bit uncertain and kind of lost. This mama here is in dilemma.

But this mama tries hard to be strong and face whatever it is going to happen.  This mama will do her best to do what is best for all of us.  It's not gonna be easy but this mama will find the way to cope.

Sometimes, this mama wish that she were a boy so she could make the rules as she goes. But she's just a mama so she should understand.

for the love of NYC

 

Grew up in a town that is famous as a place of movie scenes
Noise is always loud, there are sirens all around and the streets are mean
If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere, that's what they say
Seeing my face in lights or my name in marquees found down on Broadway

Even if it ain't all it seems, I got a pocketful of dreams Baby I'm from New York! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of There's nothing you can't do Now you're in New York! These streets will make you feel brand new Big lights will inspire you Hear it for New York, New York, New Yooork!

On the avenue, there ain't never a curfew, ladies work so hard Such a melting pot, on the corner selling rock, preachers pray to God Hail a gypsy cab, takes me down from Harlem to the Brooklyn Bridge Some will sleep tonight with a hunger for more than an empty fridge

I'm a make it by any means, I got a pocketful of dreams Baby I'm from New York! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of There's nothing you can't do Now you're in New York! These streets will make you feel brand new Big lights will inspire you Hear it for New York, New York, New Yooork!

One hand in the air for the big city Street lights, big dreams, all looking pretty No place in the world that can compare Put your lighters in the air, everybody say Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

In New York! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of There's nothing you can't do Now you're in New York! These streets will make you feel brand new Big lights will inspire you Let's hear it for New York, New York, New Yooork!

Do you know that song?  ..... New York, the streets maybe dirty, the people can be rude, everyone has an opinion about this city.  But I loved it, every minute of it!

I traveled to New York across the Pacific sea and thousand kilometers apart from where I live by myself for the first time since I become a mother.  And I was proud of myself!  I had to thank my wonderful husband for letting me had a "me" time and looking after my boys for two weeks and couple days.  Also I thanked my gorgeous boys for being such an angel while I was having fun across the continents.

The city is heady, shocking, and almost overwhelming in its intensity but also incredibly exhilarating.  When my plane landed in JFK in the evening of September 11, I felt nervous but excited at the same time.  When I sat at the back sit of my new friend's car who kind enough to pick me up from the airport, my heart sank a bit when I saw how dirty the streets and how tacky the suburbs are! I thought Oh shite, why I wanna go here?? Is this it?? And then it's not all chaos and grit.

Romance and ruin blend together in the city that never sleeps.  Brooklyn is not as scary as it pictures on television shows or news.  In fact lots of writers, artist or young couples/family live in this creative area.  I am lucky enough that my friend introduced me to her friend who lives in New York and we hit it off straight away.  It's so good to have someone local that take you here and there, so I didn't only see the "normal touristy" stuff but I also had a chance to experience some "local thingy".

From glorious Manhattan to dirty Bronx,  from Saks Avenue to Chinatown, Soho, Noho, and Nolita, Central Park to Union Square, Harlem to Chelsea, Empire State Building and many more....every day I won't be hit the sack til about mid-night sometimes even later.  I walked every day and every where most of the time, or hopped on and off between one subway to other then walk again. I got lost probably hundreds of times, and got abused by  people when I asked what exit should I take to get to here and there.  But not everybody is heartless there.  A nice young lady even escorted me right into the front of Macy's department store!

While in New York, I also had a chance to visit my girlfriend who lives in Pittsburgh.  It took 9 hours solid on the train from NYC to  Pittsburgh, what a day!  I spent two nights in Pittsburgh and went to  Andy Warhol museum that I always wanted to visit! :)  From Pittsburgh, my girlfriend and I went back to NYC by double decked bus.  The journey that supposed to be 8 hours stretched out to 12 hours because of ....flat tires!!  We spend almost 4 hours tried to get some sleep on the bus seat at Walmart car park, how comfortable!  Instead of 7 am arriving in New York it was almost noon by the time we got there.  But, that was another experience that I won't forget and I can smile now when I am thinking about that time!

Washington D.C, I did it in one day bus tour courtesy of my girlfriend (am I such a lucky girl!).  It wasn't a great day, it was gloomy and wet and cold.  Still I got a thrilled when I got to see the White House and Lincoln memorial and Capitol Hill.  Had lots of fun with my girlfriend at Madame Tussaud wax museum too :)

Busy street in Manhattan

Statue of Liberty

Times Square at night

Manhattan Bridge

Flatiron Building

Horse carriage in front of Central Park

Capitol Hill, Washington D.C

The White House

A tribute to John Lennon, Strawberry Fields, Central Park

In New York: I laughed. I had fun.  I made new friends.  I shopped.  I ate hotdogs at Central Park and it's so delicious.

I love New York.

If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere!

Note: My special thanks to my new girl friends Elza Finishya and Evie Tanjung for the accommodation and took me around NYC.  Hope our new friendship can last forever.  Also to my Nathalie, though we had a bit of "misconception" time but I love you girl and hoping that one day we can meet up again somewhere in this big big world.

xxx

make a wish

It's my birthday today!  Another year older and wiser, that's what they say....  Older absolutely but wiser? Not so sure :)  I'm feeling so overwhelmed and loved by so many wishes and calls that I got today, so thank you guys!

There is something about birthdays makes me smiling and happy.  Maybe it's having a very special day to myself and anyone else who shares it with me,  or maybe just the anticipation of what surprises the day might bring.  Whatever it is, I like it.  The fact that my birthday also in the month of February makes it more special too.  I love February, somehow I don't know why but it feels like the right month for party!  Because, Valentine's Day is also on February so that makes me feel like February is a month to celebrate your love and happiness.

As we get older though the celebrations change little by little as do our priorities.  Personally I prefer to celebrate it with just my love ones in a small circle, it's more the quality than quantity this day :) I once wished for nice gifts, I now wish for good health and....a pair of Louboutin to be perfectly honest! :)

Cupcakes, champagne, candles, and presents.  What not to like about celebrating another year of life?

kiss good bye 2009

As we approach the final days and hours of 2009, I'm struck by the experienced over the last 12 months.

Let's see in the last 12 months I have:

There was a health scare and even though it wasn't as bad as I thought, still it needs to be monitored once every four or six months. And every time I need to undergo, it's an enormous stress for me.

We finally finished building our house and successfully managed to move in and settled.  Though still lot of projects that are need to be done but hopefully, gradually, it will come to and end.

Another un-employment stressful period for my husband that drove the whole family into a roller-coaster ride.

After such a big drama; we forgot our children passport had expired just in front of the checked-in counter at the airport; we managed to have two-weeks holiday in Bali.  It was good but also stressful time to go.

I finally found myself a part-time job and so far have been juggling it pretty good amongst the chaos of school holiday and the festive seasons.

It has been a hell of year and we are among the lucky ones who still have to pay our house and the food on our table. It's impossible not to reflect on the year gone by as we begin a new one.  2009 was one of mixed blessings for me.  Even though we had couple bad and miserable times, I've felt overwhelmed and inadequate, and have lost my shit many many times, I still thank God for my kids that have grown and changed so much this year. That I've been blessed with healthy and happy children and despite all the stressful times we had, until today my husband and I are still living in the same roof.

But the most important thing for me is to be healthy.  My thought and prayer for those whose in sickness, or have been through tough times during the illness of loved ones.

So, how was your NYE?  Were you out partying or were you home asleep before 12? This year I spent my NYE with couple of friends dining and partying out way after midnight.  While my husband and the kids went camping for couple days down south.  I couldn't go with them as I had to work during those days.

I'm looking forward to 2010.  I wish I could take each and everyone of you out for a beer or  a fanta if that's your preference.  I hope you're using this time, to recharge and refresh yourself in preparation to kick some serious arse come whenever it is in January that your life returns to normal.

when friendship goes wrong

 

Couple weeks ago I read on my friend's blog about friendship that goes into a wrong path.  The ones that used to be good, close friends gradually changed into a sour ones. Or sometimes  because the differences between each heads can draw into disagreement that can lead to the silent treatment for a while or forever.

Though, often people just change for no reason. Including ourselves too.  And we think we can't be friends with them anymore because we have done something wrong or they crossed a path with us.  Or simply because they are toxic.  Actually they are not toxic, just irritating and at a different page of life.  They haven't done anything wrong or vice versa, the issue is simply that we have very little in common and have different outlooks on life and different values.  They have a rather naïve way of looking at things and are somewhat immature.  They remind me very much of being 16 again.

They are also called circumstantial friends, people you get along with in particular circumstance, like workplace but you don't share much in common outside of this.  Normally once you leave a job you can fade out of contact.  But that was before FB - Facebook :)
 

Personally, I often struggled with friendship and started to think it must be me the one that weird or wrong.  I used to try hard to fit into their circumstance, which was deeply in my heart I knew I didn't like it, it was just not my style at all.  But because I needed social status so I played their game.  Sometimes I could shut my mouth but more often I  couldn't and usually I would end up in a heated argument or unpleasant situation. 

Some people just seem really superficial and so full of shits that I can't handle anymore.   Some I think they are 'frenemies' you know you are friends but also enemies with them.

Maybe it's because I'm getting older that my vision and value of life have changed and I become more stubborn and  opinionated.  Also as you get older, you realize that people drift in and out of your life and it's OK.  

Now that I'm more comfortable with my life in general I know what is right and wrong for me.  I don't care if I only have one or two friends in my life as long as they are really my truth friends, who know me better inside and outside, who won't betrayed or back-stabbing me. I reckon your high school/university/college/childhood friends are truly your old good friends because they had grown-up with you  through every thing in life that they won't judge you very easy when you make mistake and vice versa.  

The background of your friends is also important.  When you have similar background i.e. through work or college or growing up together it's easier to understand and follow the flow of the conversation.  Let's say when you meet someone  either through book club, art class, or diving group at least you will have a similarity or same common interest.

I guess in the end of the day, friends are like lollies.  They are colorful, different taste and shape.  It depends on what taste or shape you'd like to have.  You can't have all the lollies all at once though, it's not good for your health and your dentist bill will go up :)

 

i think it would be very difficult being married to me

I am a total bitch at the moment. Not proud of that but can't help.

Sometimes, I feel like I just need a break, just for few days for being a wife and mother. Just for few days to exist as my myself, on my own terms. To think. To appreciate what I have. To not compare.

I have this kind of melt down every so often and my husband always says to me " this is because you always have an easy life, never to think about work the next day, and bla..bla...bla..." that I don't even want to hear. Why? Because it's true, well some of what he thoughts not all of them. I don't feel like I have an easy life totally, because believe me there were times when I had to deal and juggle every thing by myself on my own when my husband was away. Which I felt he had been away quiet a lot of time in the past, but not according to him and he became so defensive about it and we ended up in bitter argument! There were times when I have to deal with my own health and sanity. And it wasn't easy.

My term of an easy life are: a) you have full time maid who do every thing from cleaning the house until minding your children b) your family is living near/around the corner so you can reach them when you need them c) you can go lunch here and there , dinner out as often as you like, party like a superstar d) shopping free with no limitation e) always on holidays destinations f) children are just your accessories so you can dress them up as cute as Suri Holmes or Shiloh Pitt and people will envy you because you have gorgeous children, and the last g) having a handsome George Clooney look a like, smart, rich and not a stingy husband . That's my easy life!

Do I have all those terms above? Unfortunately not. But I still have an easly life in the eye of my husband. And I know I am being spoilt-brat-person in here. I know how incredibly lucky I am to have children and have them be healthy and to have a partner and enormous support. I know others do it far tougher and some women don't even have children as much as they desperately would love to. So forgive me if you fall into that category. Yes, I do feel churlish about even voicing complaints like this. 

Maybe I just want to complain about my husband, or it's just me being a damn woman with too much manner? Does anybody else have ever felt that kind of feeling? Like you just being stuck as a mother and wife, you dedicate or slave yourself for your children and husband and at the end of the day you feel empty and not happy?

a touch of panic

Almost about three weeks ago I found lumps on my right breast. When I visited my GP she wanted me to have an ultrasound scan. While I was waiting at the ultra sound scan place I was very nervous. And it became worse when the sonographer checked on me and found even more lumps on my left breast. Worsen, she asked me to wait right there, half-naked, for her to consult the doctor. I didn't know how to explain how scared I was at that time. It terrifies me in almost indescribable ways. I felt half wanting to throw up and couldn't breath, I was so panic. It felt forever I was waiting for her to come back to the room. Thank God when she did came back it was clear that what I have are cyst or benign, meaning it is not cancerous. But because some of them are hiding under my breast tissue so the ultra sound scanner can not really detect 100% what they are, so they suggested me to have a biopsy.
From there I had another appointment with my GP and although she was sure that they are all benign she wanted me to have another scan and possible a biopsy to make sure it wasn't something dangerous at the special breast clinic hospital. She just wanted to confirm that they are 100% benign.

On the day I had to go for a biopsy I almost fainted and couldn't breath at the car park. I was still so scared about the result. Lucky, Daniel came along with me. Prior to my biopsy I had asked my friend who had a similar situation like me before, and she said whatever I do just don't look at the needle because I'll freak out as it is a very big needle. So I did what she said. Only Daniel knew how horrible big the needle was. The doctor who did the biopsy was a very nice woman, she comforted me that she was sure every thing was ok. She calmed me down who at this stage already in tears and panic attack. The whole procedure probably took about half and hour and it was mostly painless, except for the first needle prick when she numbed the area.

When my result came it was a big relief for me. It was like I can breathe and live my life normal again. It was such a roller coaster emotional weeks during my entire life so far. I still have to go for a scan regularly once every six months just for precaution. My doctor says breast cancer if it detects early it can be cured. It is important for women from any age (even as young as 17 years old) to check themselves regularly, though what is caused breast cancer mostly are genetic and hormones. Plus a healthy diet is also recommended.

I often read or hear about people get breast cancer, but never that I thought it would be came near to me. I know I do not have breast cancer. But the moment I found lumps on my breast I felt my whole world was collapsed. I was very scared and stressed. I couldn't help my mind thinking of the worse case going to happen. This was when it was kind of hit me that so far I have taken my life for granted. I didn't appreciate what I have in my life as I should. I was a bitter and cold person who only thought of myself, I was selfish and often gave hard time to my husband and children. I had no sympathy or care to others. In general I was a real bitch. I felt this was a big slap from God. I know you may think it's ridiculous and nonsense what's God gotta do between being a bitch and lumps in your breast? But I still believe in God, I believe in karma, and I just felt this way.

To this day I feel I am bit a better person inside and outside. I probably still the old me, still bitching and gossiping, but I know in my heart I have had forgiven and forgotten those who dislike me or hurt my feeling intentionally or unintentionally, and I appreciate life more than ever. I cherish the time I can spend with my two lovely Boys, I can accept them as whatever they are. I would never going to compare them with other kids and wanting them to be like them. I know they are not perfect, they can't speak accurately and properly, they don't use their manner, but at least I know they are raised in a happy, casual, informal, and relaxing atmosphere which are what Daniel and I like . The most important thing is that they grow up as a content, balanced, and healthy children.

I didn't want to write about this before. Because first I thought it was a bit personal to blog about my breast in internet. And then I'm thinking this is my blog, right, so I should be able to write about anything and everything I want, in my risk of course. Also by writing this I can re-read again and again later as a reminder . What had happened to me this time help me putting my life in to a different perspective. That being happy and good health are the two major thing. That family and true friends are always there for you, no matter what.

an up date

I haven't written in this blog for quiet a long time. Not that I was very occupied with life in general, it was just my brain was fried for a while. Some nights I sat in front of my laptop and thought would share some of my thoughts in this space. But suddenly, my brain went blank and my fingers froze.

Tonight, after spent most of the day being occupied with Easter mass in the morning, followed by picnicking at the river for the whole afternoon, and then dropped by at friend's house and ended up stayed until dinner time, I was pretty knackered but can't sleep. It's school holiday for another two weeks so I don't need to arise as early as 7.30am and no need to make lunch boxes....yaayyy! The kids is fast asleep since 8.30pm, they are buggered I reckon from playing and swimming the whole afternoon. My husband has gone offshore since a week ago....yup, I hate Easter without my complete family, feel so lonely, so widowed, so orphanaged!

Our life in general is doing fine. I was busy enough dealing with house building, I had gone as far as north of Perth to choose for shower screen, sliding doors, lights, and not to mention flooring and pool. I also chose and made the final decision for all the colors of the walls and feature walls, ceiling, doors, etc. All in all, my DH and I are satisfied and pretty content with the result. I'll be proud enough to say that I'm the interior designer for our house.

The time to move into the new house is getting closer. At the moment we are just waiting for the flooring to be installed then here we go....packing and unpacking again, hopefully this is will be the last time or at least not until another five years! I pray hard and hope that my -always-offshore-husband- will be around when the time is come. Honestly, I'm not that superwoman who can manage every thing by myself. Though, if worse come to worse happened and if the situation forced me to do so I have no other choice.

At least I have flown my Mum to help me with the moving and the kids. Not to mention in the middle of this chaos I will be also hosting a birthday party for my Boys. I have promised and bribed them that I would buy them lotsa pressies as long as we just celebrate it at home with mummy's home-made birthday cake. But, since they will turn five they want to invite almost the whole class of the pre-primary and half of the other class! So, I think we will have around twenty two or so kids on the 24th of April. I hope some of them can't make it:p Not that I'm a meanie mum....but omegosh, how am I gonna cope with moving and packing and preparing birthday celebration??? But called me a weak mum, I just can't say NO to those beautiful faces of my Boys, somehow my Boys, sure mummy will work on her fairy magic and voila... you're going to have a party!

Nathan and Dylan are doing pretty good in Pre-Primary. They even came out from their shells. They are not shy anymore as they used to be when they were in Kindy. One day when I was picking them up at school, one mother came to me and said: " The boys can talk now!" At first I didn't know how should I react. Of course my Boys can talk! But then I take it as a compliment. I know she means good. The teacher said Nathan and Dylan are popular amongst the children, they always make other kids laugh with their silly dance or just doing silly things....hmmm...:p Other mum also told me that her daughter can't stop talking about Dylan being so funny.

In their second week in Pre-Primary, Nathan got his first merrit award for the beautiful family drawing he drew, followed by Dylan for the crazy characters he transform into when in the dress up area! Can you imagine...what is he going to be? The Boys enjoy the school, especially Nathan. He just loves drawing and now non-stop writing numbers and practising his alphabets sounds. I will be still asleep when he often comes to my bed and asks me to count the number he has written! While Dylan sometime whines a bit about going to school every day. But then once he's in he forgets about me in a second, I have to drag him to kiss me good bye :-) Dylan's writing and drawing has improved so much since he's in Pre-Primary.

Both of them got pretty good report from the school. The only point that they need to develop is their good use of manner. Omegod!!! I feel so embarrased when I read this. I meant, how many times I keep telling them to say thank you, please, may I, can I have it please, etc, etc, about being a good manner. At home they pretty good in it. That's why it comes to a horror for me, well a bit. I think because they are still a bit shy especially to those who they are not really close/know well they tend to shut down. It often happens when we are out in restaurant and they wanted the lollies, I would have told them to ask for it themselves. And it often ends with tears because they want me to do it and I don't want to do it. Sometime I have to threath them, I know how bad mother I am, but how difficult it is just to ask please can I have lollies and thank you...? It's frustrated me but I keep working on it. They probably got it from my genes. I remember I was so shy and not confident when I was around 10 - 12 years old. I had changed a lot in my personality and confidence since I worked and lived overseas. That's why I do not want them to be like me. Especially they are boys. I want them to be independent, confident, and polite.

Besides that I think they are growing to be an outgoing children pretty much. They love to swim, in the pool or at the beach, they love climbing the trees so much! I feel that I can enjoy them now better than when they were babies. Sometimes I think I don't want them to grow up that quick I want them still like they are now.

In my friendship department I am starting to make friends with some of the mothers from school. We haven't gone to have coffee together yet, but at least the conversation is not limited only with Yes or No answers. And I am making effort to talk to them and I have not given up yet even though some of them still   
just give me the yes or no answers. I have no expectation to become good buddies or get invited to the car park mafia mums, but I'm trying my best to know some of them a bit better.

I used to ignore them or even avoid them when the Boys were in Kindy. It wasn't because I didn't like them, but at that time I have felt I had given all my efforts to become friends with them with no success at all. I found it very hard to have a proper conversation with them, either they just gave me the yes or no answers or sometimes they even didn't hear me. So I decided to avoid them, I would always come right on nine o'clock to drop off the Boys and five minutes late to pick them up so that I don't have to talk or even see them. I didn't really know what's wrong with myself, maybe it is written on my forehead WATCH OUT....SHE'S A BITCH, but those mothers were very very hard to talk to. First I felt sad and hurt, then I didn't care and stop talking to them completely. I only said hello, hi, smiled and gone.

Then my brain was starting to work again. If I want Nathan and Dylan to have friends at school and not to be shy I should start to make a different. That's when I decided that I will keep on trying to talk to the Mums. One day maybe I will find my own car park mafia...:p

I think now it's enough for my up date. I'm looking forward to move in to a new house and can't wait to decorate and maybe with a little bit luck I can pursue my darling husband for some new furniture. I am content with my life and enjoy being a mother for my children and wife to my vegemite head :D

the present dillemma

Today was one of those days when the universe wraps itself around my head and humps my skull. It is started when I have browsed around the internet and got connected with news from my old school girlfriends. Few of them are pursuing a good career, high position in the company, while some of them even own a company. But most of them or I can say all of my girlfriends who are married they are also a working mum.

Envy...? I am so green jealous. For quiet some time I have been happy and content with my life. I have two gorgeous healthy kids, one loving and very supportive husband (can't have two husbands, can I?), nice country to live, good circle of friends that I can rely on and a future brand new house that is very close to be finished. But, why am I still not satisfy ? 

 

There is one thing inside myself that I always want to conquer. I would love to be financially independent. Not to proof that I'm a super woman amongst my friends or I am as equal as my husband. More for my sanity, for my self-confindent, to prove to myself that I can do that. And perhaps mostly the reason is because I like to do something worth,

I love to earn my own money even though it's a small amount.

 

I hate to say this, but I don't want to fall in to a stereotype housewives that I have seen a lot surround here, lazing around the house and do nothing, lunch here and there, social gathering almost every day, shopping up the storm and only thinking and talking about what designer brand bags I would buy next, plus acting as if you are not married and have kids.

Don't get me wrong. I do like to socialize with my friends or catch up on some useful information (not gossiping :p) over cuppa. And once a while if the occasion arises going out for a fun night. While these things are nice to have but I don't want it to be my life style. It's just not me. I want to keep my brain working in the right direction, if you know what I mean.

I always dream to have my own little business, or I would like to work, not full time so that I still have time to spend with my boys. I would like to have a different conversations rather than always around kids things, recipes, house cleaning, cooking, cheap gossips, etc. I miss being on train or bus to go to work, walking in the cold air to get to the meeting, the adrenalin rush when you have a deadline, the co-workers, the boss, the projector, and every thing!

I am craving for my financial independence lots lately. I do want to make money. I miss to have my own money. I had always worked and had my own money since I was 19. I sound like I'm mad about money. But it's not that way, I don't know how to explain more accurately about this. It's just something that now and then I'm longing for. Perhaps this is one of the thing that is made worse by my mood. Maybe today was not a good time to read about other people success. At the end of the day I am a lucky mother and wife, and one thing that I should remind myself is do not always look above you and you'll never satisfy.

the day i become an aussie chick

Couple weeks ago, I officially became an Australian citizen. The ceremony was held at the Canning Council. There were 35 new citizens, 31 adults and 4 chidlren from 9 countries. We said our pledge then the Mayor handed out the citizenship certificate, and we posed with the Mayor and our family. We got one native pot plant each as a pressie.

After, we sang Advance Australia Fair, we were invited to stay for light refreshments. Not too bad though...

Although I'm an Australian now, I'm still the same person I was before. I still love my rice as my basic staple, sambal, and salty fish... I am still Ria from the kampung...:D