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19 May 2013

this mama life

This week feels forever.  Shorter day light longer night time.  It is official that summer is end and winter is creeping in.

 

I am back to the usual bump and grind.  Back to being solo parenting again.  Back to do every thing by myself.  Make all the decisions and responsible for almost every thing. And back to those anxious feelings at night time.  I am alone and there is no one to tag me out or give me a hug at the end of the day.  On the good days, when I was asked how I cope with this pattern of life I would say, invite some friends over for dinner or go for shopping, on the hard days, I just want to cry and scream!

Sometimes I feel like I am going mental and can't cope and just want to give up. But I know I can't. The other night we were watching telly and my T1 out of the blue just said, 'Daddy actually half live in Sydney'.  It broke my heart.  I know this is not gonna be forever.  I understand he is lonely too and it's not easy work all the time. I know that he cares.  All these feelings should not dictate our ( or mine precisely) life.  But it is so damn HARD! We are all responsible for this good life we have together. Every now and then we have to make some sacrifice because of the life style we choose to live in. 

A good cry and baking delicious chocolate cake usually put me back in to perspective and make me strong again to go through the days until the whole two weeks come to an end. Watching my kids playing outside, jumping and running, seeing those sweet little faces, brighten my day.




Meanwhile if you are wondering how in the world this might end up? My answer, it's still in the wind.  In the end, we are all trying to get to the same damn place, happiness.  



2 comments:

Maureen Hitipeuw said...

Oh Ria, wish I could give you a hug. I remember going through those feelings but back then Alex was still very little. I recognize those feelings but you have a wonderful family and this too will pass as long as you guys stay strong together. Hugs!

ohdearria said...

Thanks Maureen. Hugs back and thanks for popping in. xx