the present dillemma

Today was one of those days when the universe wraps itself around my head and humps my skull. It is started when I have browsed around the internet and got connected with news from my old school girlfriends. Few of them are pursuing a good career, high position in the company, while some of them even own a company. But most of them or I can say all of my girlfriends who are married they are also a working mum.

Envy...? I am so green jealous. For quiet some time I have been happy and content with my life. I have two gorgeous healthy kids, one loving and very supportive husband (can't have two husbands, can I?), nice country to live, good circle of friends that I can rely on and a future brand new house that is very close to be finished. But, why am I still not satisfy ? 

 

There is one thing inside myself that I always want to conquer. I would love to be financially independent. Not to proof that I'm a super woman amongst my friends or I am as equal as my husband. More for my sanity, for my self-confindent, to prove to myself that I can do that. And perhaps mostly the reason is because I like to do something worth,

I love to earn my own money even though it's a small amount.

 

I hate to say this, but I don't want to fall in to a stereotype housewives that I have seen a lot surround here, lazing around the house and do nothing, lunch here and there, social gathering almost every day, shopping up the storm and only thinking and talking about what designer brand bags I would buy next, plus acting as if you are not married and have kids.

Don't get me wrong. I do like to socialize with my friends or catch up on some useful information (not gossiping :p) over cuppa. And once a while if the occasion arises going out for a fun night. While these things are nice to have but I don't want it to be my life style. It's just not me. I want to keep my brain working in the right direction, if you know what I mean.

I always dream to have my own little business, or I would like to work, not full time so that I still have time to spend with my boys. I would like to have a different conversations rather than always around kids things, recipes, house cleaning, cooking, cheap gossips, etc. I miss being on train or bus to go to work, walking in the cold air to get to the meeting, the adrenalin rush when you have a deadline, the co-workers, the boss, the projector, and every thing!

I am craving for my financial independence lots lately. I do want to make money. I miss to have my own money. I had always worked and had my own money since I was 19. I sound like I'm mad about money. But it's not that way, I don't know how to explain more accurately about this. It's just something that now and then I'm longing for. Perhaps this is one of the thing that is made worse by my mood. Maybe today was not a good time to read about other people success. At the end of the day I am a lucky mother and wife, and one thing that I should remind myself is do not always look above you and you'll never satisfy.